Insecurities

While awing at a baby enjoying the luxuries of the gentle touch of a pregnant woman, I severed into the definitive voice ministering a message so powerful, "Appetite Under Control of Reason". Danny Salcedo, White Rock Lake SDA Church new leader, sermon was so convicting. I am convinced our Heavenly Father knows me so well. He blessed me to come across Leslie, and her newborn grandson, that I may receive His correction, in such a soothing touch while in the presence of His small, yet most power rewards to any woman.

"Matthew 4:1-11" Danny's instruction to open this chapter brought me back into the sanctuary, and out of the Heavens I drifted in while playing in Leslie's grandson's hair. The chapter read,

"4 Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.

2 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.

3 And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.

4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God."

I raised my head to Danny, who proceeded with the sermon. "What can we do to strengthen ourselves in God?"

The sanctuary was silent, then someone with confidence suggested, "Prayer".

Danny agreed, and advised we must stay in steadfast prayer. "How often do I pray?" I thought. Sincerely, I speak to God often, but in prayer? In the morning, like most who do morning devotion, before my meals, and before bed. On occasion when I am asked by a brother or sister in Christ. However, steadfast? I was told the night before at Van's Bible Study that SDA churches in Columbia have 12 hour prayers within their church community. I tend to come across prayer ADHD, but, that's no excuse. I immediately thought of the woman who was bleeding for years and simply convinced her self that if she touched the hem of Jesus garment, she would be healed. I even found myself wondering how often the poor widow who gave her last mite prayed. Yet, she is forever mentioned in every Christian obedience and faith sermon. However, in all things there takes practice, dedication, study, and communion with God. Thinking of my loved ones and even my enemies while in prayer will indeed increase my strength, communication, focus, and faith in Jesus Christ. Danny specified, "Satan was trying to create doubt in Jesus. If God has impressed upon you to do something, you should not doubt. I am preaching to myself." His limpidity shown him to be a God fearing man, and not impossible to connect with. Danny steps to Christ align him here standing in humility, yet tall and authoritative in Jesus name. He has so much confidence. I then realize how insecure I am. The baby began to whimper and Yadi chuckles as she rocks him back and forth. I wondered if she also was absorbed into the sermon.

Danny's voice brought me into attention of Matthew 4:5;

"5 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,

6 And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God."

Danny continued, "You must be in communion with God. You must study because satan is cunning." "God's word", I thought, "Gave Jesus so much confidence to restrain from eating, be lifted up by angels, and taken to a undocumented location where he was tempted by satan, a fallen angel who knows God's word. This is who I'm up against? A fallen angel? No wonder I fell so many times." The irony of it all is, I never sat and thought about this before. I never sat and thought about my enemy because I know my mind is so powerful, even a thought would strike a blow taking fragments of my low self-esteem. Yet, I remember also, Jesus was weak as well. He did not eat for forty days and forty nights, and although He is God in the flesh, He renounced all His glory that he would be able to experience the true debts of sin. He still made it unblemished from impurity, with strength left to die for all our sins. He started His journey with prayer and stayed in communion with God in all things, like gratefulness, acknowledgment, and love.

"Restraint" Rang through the speakers in the sanctuary. I turned to check the young men monitoring the AV room upstairs, to which they both gave me a thumbs up. "Jesus was able to retrain from satan because he had fast. 1 Corinthians 9:27 say, "27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway."

I had to give Danny respect, he consistently persecuted himself even in scripture. However, this was example, how I must turn my insecurities into strengths. Jesus turned his weakness into strength simply with God's word every time satan tried to use God's word to turn his faith against God's will. Then a light bulb turned on above my head. Danny is not persecuting himself. He was denying himself any kind of glory, but showing a form of witnessing in restraint using his own weakness and strengthening them in God's word as Jesus did! I smiled in thought, "I get it, God is so powerful, that even His word is strong enough to strengthen my insecurities from weakness to His glory for His name sake." Bill whispered between Yadi and I jokingly, "She hogging the baby". We giggled and I agreed, teasing Yadi just enough for her to give him to me. To God be all the glory, as he rested in my arms, so peaceful and pure, my eyes outlined every inch of innocence I held in my arms. "Security," I thought, "He feels so secure in my arms, as I for a moment was insecure. But because of God's promise, I am now confident. His word is so strong, for He is my shelter, and strong tower from my enemies."

"I promise we are closing," Danny joked, then he continued with his lesson. I check my watch, a little less than ten minutes til one. It's worth it. "8 Again, the devil taketh Him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth Him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;

9 And saith unto Him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.

10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and Him only shalt thou serve. 11 Then the devil leaveth Him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto Him."

I looked down at the baby, his lips puckered and a slight smile appeared, "God is amazing isn't he little man".

"Do not fear the enemy, 1 Corinthians 6:20 say, 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Live your life as a Christian intentionally, meditate on the word of God, and when you pray, know that your prayer is heard. Please pray for the gift of restraint."

This was Sabbath, July 27, 2019, and today is Tuesday, July 30, 2019. Do you know I forgot to pray for restraint? Sunday I was lazy, Monday I inhaled to bags of hot fries and a egg and cheese burrito from Sonic. I was craving these things with a strange strength to rip to shreds the aluminium bag, and burrito wrap. I sit here now, in shame, and desperate to get to the gym to do high intense training until i work off 500 calories for Sunday, and 1500 calories for Monday. But in the end, I realize, I did pray for restraint. I was prepared with God's word to have refuge from my enemy, yet I did not use it. How often do we choose to be insecure and unprotected?