Renew My Heart, Oh Lord

Nehemiah 13

Anyone else wanting to walk as one with Jesus on His mission to saving us all? The experience I'm going through seems drastic and impossible, but Nehemiah restored Jerusalem, after he saw the Lord's Holy Day being defiled, and men marrying foreign wives.

God renewed me, placed me in the circle of good friends, sisters and brothers in Christ, and a well balanced work and spiritual life. Blessing me with titles of stewardship in His house, yet like the children of Israel, I wanted something more. I believe how I feel is not a sin, for Genesis 2:18 say, "And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him". With this being explained, I want a companion. I connect my experience with Nehemiah 13 because God renewed my heart, just as Nehemiah lead the reconstruction of Jerusalem. He gave titles and operation management to each tribe as guided by God's Word from the Book of Moses. Do you see the resemblance?

Nehemiah left to assist King Artaxerxes, and when He returned, there was havoc on the Sabbath Day in the kingdom of the chosen people (Nehemiah 13:15). Children of Israel laying with nations that worship other Gods, reproducing children who did not know the language of their Fathers (Nehemiah 13:23-24). One in the same, as I walk the path God laid before me, I was distracted by a selfish desire, and immediately, I almost lost track of God's Will. Oh but God's grace, mercy, and covenant, I was saved per prayer, and the Holy Spirit!

Our Heavenly Father grabbed my attention through a dating experience. The day began with anticipation and broken promises. What all started as an innocent meet and greet over tea in the morning, some how trickled into a late night debate in my apartment over tea and religion. The young man, tall dark and handsome, intended to persuade me away from our Savior, Jesus Christ, and into false prophets leading the Muslim religion. Before I answered any question, I closed my eyes, bowed my head, and prayed silently, "Oh Heavenly Father, my heart is so deceitful, and I ask You, in Jesus name, for forgiveness. Yet this young man came prepared with lies. I ask that you bless me with Your wisdom, knowledge, and guidance. Do not allow me to fall for Satan's traps and tricks. In Jesus name, Amen." As I raised my head and opened my eyes, the young man then smiled, raised his head and chanted in an unfamiliar language. When he finished, my mouth was wide open and eyebrows raised; yet I proceeded, and he swore by many lies and conspiracies conjured by no other but Satan. But God and His Word is ever lasting! With patience, I spoke only scriptures I experienced through faithfully studying God's word. Although the young man did know some of God's Word, the lies he told, each scripture He tried to claim, I was quick in pulling up and reading out loud in the Bible. The scripture did not match the young man's conspiracy of Jesus Christ. Explaining Jesus was with God in creation expressed in Genesis 1:26. He responded, "Well Jesus called a woman a female dog". Appalled I called, "Blasphemy! What scripture?" The young man pulled out his phone and researched a YouTube video. While buffering, I offered him to use my WiFi, he declined and said with confidence, "Matthew 15:22." My Bible, to my right, I opened and turned to Matthew 15:22 and read, "And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou Son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil." Feeling great about the accomplishment of correcting him about my Heavenly Father, I looked to the young man's face and saw embarrassment as he stared at his phone still waiting for the video to play. I felt compassion for him. So I asked why he chose to dedicate himself to the Muslim religion. His story was not told in full, but what stuck out was his description of his experience with Christianity. His father is a baptist preacher, mother with a heart of gold, and He went to school to be a reverend. In this sense, I realized where the pressure to exceed his father's expectations, and congregation's judgement. The night ended in me feeling disgusted with myself. Like the men in Nehemiah 13:25-28, I allowed lust to lure me in a self adoration, and fall right into a trap of self-righteousness, ending in me being covered in dirt and selfish desires. When he left, I got on my knees and asked God for forgiveness. Nothing that I did that night was in the glory of God.

Genesis 2:18 does tell me God intended for man not to be alone. But it also reminds me that God created Eve for Adam; all he allowed Adam to do is realize he needed a companion. I do believe the way I went about it was sinful. Just as Nehemiah walked through correcting the city of Jerusalem, I must reconcile through Jesus everyday. Even when I'm not trying to sin, I sin. Pastor Doug Bachelor said, "Our hearts are filled with deceit due to the first sin in Creation" and he is right. Our Heavenly Father is a provider, of all things, we must be 3 simple things; obedient, faithful, and steadfast in God's Word with a humble and open heart.